I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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