can u get pink eye on your cock?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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