if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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