she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
