can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just want to make out with him forever
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
