I'm gonna have a badass scar
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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