there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
