I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
