the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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