I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize