I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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