I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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