hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
