Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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