You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
