i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
