Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
