My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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