Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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