They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
