If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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