porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
