No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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