i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
