She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
