Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
