I want to stick my p in your. b.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
