would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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