Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
