thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
