Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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