I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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