i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
