u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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