I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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