whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Randomize
