did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
