wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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