Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
