Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
