They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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