did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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