there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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