thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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