I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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