So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
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Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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