hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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