dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
