Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
