I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
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