so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
