Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize