Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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