Your dad touched me again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
