If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
