I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
