I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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