My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
