$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.