I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?