I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.