All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.