I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.