the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.