I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
