so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
